Rilee.

I feel like I’ve lost so much recently. Everyday has been a struggle and it’s just getting worse.

My family: has fallen apart so much I don’t even know how to comprehend it. And I’m the only one to communicate with my father. I love him so much but he has been putting me in the most awkward positions with my mom. It’s just completely unfair.

My friends: I haven’t talked to one of my best friends in over a month and its scary to think that I might not ever talk again. I want to do something about it but I just feel like I have always tried my hardest with it, I just want her to do something. No matter what I will always love her to the moon and back. I want my old group of friends back where I knew I was unconditionally loved no matter what happened. We went through hell and happiness together and it was something I was so grateful for.

My love: This past weekend was different. I finally had you out of my life and I thought it was for good. But now I’m not so sure. Just laying with you every night felt so good. I love just being in your arms and having your hand rest on the small of my back. It’s just so innocent. I know when we hang out we both struggle with our feelings. I just don’t know how to feel about you anymore. I miss you so much at times but then at other times I’m just so over it. I have never had anyone I have loved. This weekend really did show me that the feelings I had for you were true and were unlike any other thing I have experience. So with whatever happens between us, it being good or bad, know that you really were my first love.

School and Work: It’s getting so stressful having to balance out everything. My mom is always putting such hard expectations on me. I need to be working to get money but then I have to be getting A’s in school, which of course I want to be doing both. It’s just so hard dealing with everything in my life and having so much pressure on me.